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But we hope that most people are genuine in their portrayal of themselves and their friendships. Sometimes, though, we are wrong. They are nice one second and then bitter and mean the next second.
This is a real sign that someone is fake because it takes a lot of time and energy to keep up a fake persona. This usually starts to crack after a while and simple conversations or events can set someone off that shows their true colors. They are always hanging out with other people, and they often neglect to engage you in the friendship. Keep an eye out for these kinds of people and start the process of replacing them with people you can trust and can get to know for real. Register here. So watch for people who have to work really hard to connect with other people.
Fake people have a really hard time making friends and more importantly, keeping them. One of these lessons is about finding true love. Learn more here. That sentence says it all. Whether they know the group of people or not, someone who is trying hard to be anyone but who they really are is going to show off so that people believe the act they are putting on for everyone. Similar to gossip, saying bad things about other people is a great way to distract from their own crap lives and make you think that they have their acts together.
Do you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you meet someone and it feels like there is something off about them? People who are fake are putting on a show for a number of reasons. It can be really hard to be around someone who is playing a part of trying to be something they are not. Do you feel guilty for being angry about having fake people in your life? Do you try to repress your anger so it goes away?
Being angry can actually be a powerful force for good in your life — as long as you harness it properly. Your natural feelings of anger will become a powerful force that enhances your personal power, rather than making you feel weak in life.
You can view the free masterclass here. If this resonates with you, then I strongly encourage you to check out this masterclass. Our intuition has a good way of letting us know when something is wrong. If a fake person has made their way into your life and you are feeling stuck with them, be sure to keep your distance from them.
It stresses me out to have to work on anything with them or even interact with them, because they are always judging and criticizing people behind their backs. Within two months of starting my job four years ago I could tell which people I could trust and which ones I couldn't.
Nothing has changed in the meantime. I always wonder, "Why doesn't Brad say something about Nick's phony, arrogant ways and why doesn't anybody talk to the employees who are rude and act superior to the rest of us? I can deal with it, but I don't understand it. I would have thought that Nick and the other good managers would have spoken up about Nick and the few bad teammates on our team by now. What is your opinion? It is fantastic that you are student of human behavior -- that interest of yours will serve you well!
It is tempting to put people into categories based on how real or how fake they seem to be, but that is just another another box to be wary of! All of us go in and out of trust all the time. We get fearful, and that's when our worst qualities show themselves.
When people get fearful, they get snide and snippy and critical of others. It sounds from your description like Nick spends a lot of time in that mental place. In those times, he puts up a hard shell. The real Nick is nowhere to be seen. All you get in those moments is the fake, phony Nick who has to act superior to others and have the last word.
That's because he is afraid. What could Nick be afraid of? He could be afraid of looking stupid or of losing face when somebody else knows more than he does. It would be a mistake to think that some people are simply born to be fake and others are born to be real. We all slip into fakeness at times, but we can help one another stay real at work!
We can tell the truth when it feels scary to do that. We can tell the truth about how we're feeling. Question: I have this friend, and she is super fake. How can I tell her to let me mix around with others? Answer: I'm concerned about your words, "She won't let me.
You won't allow yourself. You've handed your personal decision making over to this girl you don't seem to have a lot of fondness for. Take your power back and stop confusing what is difficult or personally awkward telling her you want to be around other people with what you are forbidden to do.
Yes, there will be consequences, like she will get upset, but you can handle that, right? Tell her, "Sally, I've arranged to sit with my other friends at lunch today. You can join in if you'd like, but I'm just giving you a heads-up. There's a reason she doesn't mix well with the others, and I suspect it may be her poor social skills. Is it possible they are on to her?
You don't need to explain to her why you want to be with a variety of others. You're young. It's just fun to mix things up and be around different people. Don't let your peers call your shots. Broaden your social horizons beyond this so-called friend but leave open the possibility that she might just grow as well. Saori - Thank you for sharing the account of your friend with hidden agendas. She was probably trying to find out information from you for someone else who liked the guy.
To hold animosity towards you for two years while feigning friendship shows how mean-spirited and shallow she is.
At least you know about the backbiting. Now you can look for genuine friends. I experienced this in 10th grade. One girl was particularly known to be an all around person. She was very friendly and got along with almost everyone. One day, she suddenly went up to me and acted FC feeling close as we call it I thought at that second that it was odd and put my guard up but nevertheless believed that it was just part of who she was.
Then as we got closer to the restroom where I was headed she bombarded me with very invasive questions about my love progress with this guy. I got pretty impatient and my bladder was about to burst. So out of irritation and anger I replied that I couldn't care less if they fucked out in the halls. She was really surprised to hear such lines from a quiet unbothered looking person and went back to the room with me in complete silence.
They sounded pretty bubbly about how good it must be to slap me on the face as I was the only one with a different pose in the pic of that post. I felt terrible. But it gave me a very important info and wisdom about these types of people. Okay more odd behavior has been coming from Dominic he showed up at the gym I go to two different times wit a girl I've never seen before he still gives me strange looks but now he's getting a little out of hand he drove really close to me try to talk to me when I was running also I forgot to tell you this his girlfriend was driving around the neighborhood she circled it twice he's just acting crazy almost stalker like I don't know what to do the reason I'm telling you is because I feel like we have kind of a friendship.
Jake - That's an awesome take-down of fakers. Keep it real! Have a terrific week. Hope you are well. Fake people also tend to follow trends and regurgitate whatever is praised at that time but I guess this is a combo of 2, 12 and 4. This sequentially, makes them look better than the people they are with. I have been silent we have no contact I only talked to him a few weeks ago to get on good terms with him but not since then he still looks at me with sad eyes I look at him like I wonder what's wrong with him in return even though a small part of me misses him I don't miss who he is now there's a sadness about this situation because he used to be so sweet it hurts to know he's not the same guy anymore ever since he started dating his girlfriend.
Now the question is how do I get Dominic to accept the friendship is in fact over since he doesn't seem to completely understand that I rejected him platonically he keeps looking at me in a sad way like his heart is longing for the friendship we had the exact way it was before I ended the friendship but I know I can't go back it wasn't that great he's just not the guy I knew and that's what bothers me so much he can't seem to give up on the friendship. Yes I'm probably going to go to therapy because just an update he's been talking to my one friend trying to get her to get me to be his friend again he even went so far as to listen in on my one phone conversation he knew why the conversation was about I'm guessing his ears were burning and he knew I was telling her about the situation he might have even tried to get me to go in his vehicle somewhere with him.
Yes I do I talk to my boyfriend about this because he understands what's up I'm just giving you a good idea as to who this guy is he really wasn't there for me when I had anxiety which is why now I'm going to find a doctor to talk to about that but I'm on good terms with Dominic but he's not really on my good side because I know too much about what he's about and I'm not about that kind of thing let's just say he wasn't a good friend I'm seriously considering even going to therapy because of him.
Paula - Some people carry very heavy emotional baggage that we are completely unaware on, and when they enter our lives or we enter theirs they end up trying to make us do their heavy lifting for them. I decided long ago the kind of crap I'd put up with and what I wouldn't and I no longer feel guilty about it either. Seems like you're in that space too. I think the perspective most often comes with age and experience.
Or, some people find it cathartic to write a letter to the person outlining your emotions and never actually send it since you've already decided to nix him from your life. Hope that helps. This is one heck of a wealth of information, I believe everyone needs to read! You do such an excellent job with your talents.
I don't want anything from you!.. Alas, we live and we learn. From this group, we've collected, it's pretty easy to know which of these hold the honor of being a "friend.
We've been through so much together and weathered storms while being supportive. Genuine concern and fondness cannot be "faked. It's an intuitive thing we know better than to doubt. The particular woman you referenced in your article, screams of every single point of the 12 listed. No one could miss these flaws and her game is soon discovered. I had to laugh at her habit of "replacing" a used buddy for a new one! Did she think there's some strange law about being allowed to have only ONE friend at a time??
Can we say, "Cuckoo? Peace, Paula. You seem really nice it helps to talk about all this since there are a lot of hurt feelings and I still feel a lot of resentment towards him because he wasn't being a good friend to me just being around him right now makes me feel lots of anxiety and mixed emotions because I do miss who he was he changed a lot at first I thought maybe it has to do with growing up but then I realized he has no balance he no longer values his friends anymore it's sad because he did used to be so sweet.
Thank you once again for writing this article it really saved me from myself and from taking him back as a friend again of course he wasn't always fake for a while he was very sweet then he got into a serious relationship and I started seeing him less and less that's when I knew I had to draw the line somewhere and unfortunately I had to end the friendship maybe for a few years maybe forever the awkward part of it is he's my neighbor.
Thank you for posting this article it helped me to figure out that he was a fake friend oh and not to mention the friendship was very one sided I had to put in all the effort.
Lauren- Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you find a more lasting and genuine friendship with others. I know what it's like to have a fake friend I had one a few weeks ago but I cut the ties I ended the friendship with him two weeks ago he wasn't there when I had bad anxiety or Pneumonia not in person he wasn't there when I missed him or felt like he didn't care at all finally I had enough and ended the friendship I tried to end the friendship a month ago but didn't because I didn't want to hurt him but unfortunately I had to put myself first.
You too. Hope you are holding up well in this heat I have to get out at six in the morning to walk since it is soooo hot and humid right now. O how sad they really are. I have had a few of these cross my path. It is often difficult to cut them out of our lives. The characteristics you listed are spot on. Once again Angels are headed your way ps. Laura - Yep, all the world's a stage to them.
Be the audience and walk out politely at intermission time. Thanks for your comment! You definitely hit the nail on the head. I think, too, when you see how they are with others, it's easier to see the act they are putting on than when they are doing it with you.
You try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but some people just want to put on a show. I never thought about the foot placement. That is a good sign though of their psychology. I will start to pay attention to people more. I have met a few of these Dirty Dozen, thankfully they were never my friends!
Loved the article, so informing for what to watch out for! Thanks FlourishAnyway. Audrey - Thanks for the encouragement and for describing your own personal experience. I think we've all dealt with our share of fakers. Unfortunately, some people seem to really attract them and don't have the personal awareness about them that you do.
Have a genuinely happy weekend! Thanks for this valuable hub! I've met a few artificial people in my life. I usually get this odd feeling right in the pit of my stomach when I spot a phony. But every now and then, one slips by and I promise myself not to get so invested in people. Readmikenow - They tend to pop their heads up from time to time. Hopefully, it'll be a long time before you see him again!
Thanks for sharing your story. It affirms that other people aren't alone in their dealings with fakey people. This is a very good article. I had someone I went to high school with find me through the internet.
You are right on all counts. He came on so strong for no reason. Everything you listed happened. I needed a small favor from him and you would have thought I asked him to donate a kidney.
I told him it wasn't a big deal and was sorry I asked him, a simple "I can't help you" would have been enough. That was two years ago and haven't heard from him since. Chris - I'm sorry to hear about your having been burned. I hope you continue to try again. There are some really good people out there. Thank you for sharing your experience. I've found it very hard to trust people as I've been burned several times over the years, and many exhibited most of your points listed.
I'm sorry you've had a bad experience too though I guess everyone has dealt with this in one way or another. Poppy - Thanks for your kind comment. I wish I could say I did take them but claiming credit for someone else's work would be fake of me, so I wouldn't do that. Have an authentically fabulous weekend! Jo - Sure, I agree that nobody's perfect although I think it's the pattern over time and how people make you feel that really should make one you think about whether they're worthy of your moments.
Thanks for reading and for weighing in! I don't think I've ever had a fake friend, or if I did, I never noticed. As always, your article is in-depth and informative. I love the pictures of the Barbie dolls! Did you take them yourself? Interesting article, Flourish. I know I have friends who have some of these characteristics, but then I may have some also. Maintaining friendships involves forgiving from time to time, but then there is also a time to just break ties.
Knowing when and how to do this is hard. Shauna - Thanks for your comment. Body language is fascinating. It's a whole new layer of communication. Flourish, I used to work with a woman that has all twelve characteristics. The kicker is, she was my supervisor! She's one of the most insecure people I've ever met.
So glad I'm no longer in her breathing space! I found the body language section of this article particularly interesting.
I'd love to see you expound on that. I'll bet you'd come up with a fascinating article on the various types of body language and what they mean. I hope you consider it. Yep and yep! One of these is pretty much my brother to be honest! Interesting stuff! Shyron - Thank you for your visit and kind comment. There are definitely certain people in my life who epitomize fakery as well.
Wishing you well in protecting yourself from the fakers. I thought of several plastic people as I read your article and I find it scary and makes me wonder if I attract plastic people. Great article, I think I will think about this article every time I meet some who reminds me of it.
Thank you. You are right but people take advantage because I try and see the good in people. I saw where you said a so-called friend turned their back because you had MS but why if they was a true friend? To me would be all the more reason to stay close because you needed me to be there to help you thur it. My friend is sick I would never be away from them, I would stand beside them no matter what.
You know I will always help a friend no matter what because if a friend is sick then I need to be there to support my friend. All I ever wanted was a real friend but all I got was Sweetness.
You know Friday night they tried to kick my door in and they are back tonight trying but guess what Sweetness will not allow it. I lost everything because of an home invasion, nothing left to take, so they need to stop of course they will, Sweetness won't have it, she is now trained. Better go my dog Sweetness just beat someone up, no clue but the person ran off. My dog was stopped because they ran to the stairs and door closed.
Now I have to pay for a door. Annie - What you describe is so sad. You seem to have a good heart, and I wish people could see that and not try to take advantage of it. Too often, people with disabilities find themselves without much of a social network. I think disabilities may remind others that they, too, could be vulnerable to accidents, life-altering diseases, or debilitating disorders at any moment, and that can be frightening. Keep trying.
I find that volunteer opportunities are a great way to meet kind people. My best friend is my hearing dog who never speaks bad of others and is always there when I need her the most. I've learnt that people will let you down or lie about you and yes use you also.
If Sweetness doesn't like someone there is a reason why so I trust her in judging a person character, I've learned that. Flourish Anyway, I'm sorry to hear of your illness, my prayers are with you. My great uncle also had MS. What I don't understand is why when a person becomes ill there friends turn their back on them. I took 7 years of Duane beating me then left but when he became sick with pancreas cancer I went back to take of him till the day he passed. I believe a true friend stands by a friend no matter what.
You know since I moved 40 miles away I actually have no friends other than Sweetness. I would give anything to have a real human friend to talk to share things with but all I have is Sweetness.
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