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I sought out the top gender specialist at the time, Dr. Paul Walker, who had co-authored the standards of care for transgender health. He diagnosed me with gender identity disorder now gender dysphoria and recommended cross-sex hormones and sex change genital surgery.
He told me that the childhood events were not related to my current gender distress, and that sex change was the only solution. I started taking female hormones and scheduled the surgery for April in Trinidad, Colorado. I was My marriage ended shortly before surgery. In addition to genital reconfiguration, I had breast implants and other feminizing procedures and changed my birth certificate to Laura Jensen, female.
My childhood dream was realized, and my life as a woman began. At first, I was giddy with excitement. It seemed like a fresh start. I could sever ties with my former life as Walt and my painful past. But reality soon hit. My children and former wife were devastated. When I told my employer, my career was over.
As Laura, I decided to pursue being a counselor and started courses at the University of California-Santa Cruz in the late s. There, a crack in my carefully crafted female persona opened, and I began to question my transition. The reprieve I experienced through surgery was only temporary.
Hidden underneath the makeup and female clothing was the little boy hurt by childhood trauma. I was once again experiencing gender dysphoria, but this time I felt like a male inside a body refashioned to look like a woman. I was living my dream, but still I was deeply suicidal.
A gender specialist told me to give it more time. Eight years seemed like an awfully long time to me. Nothing made sense. Why was I still distressed about my gender identity? Why did I have strong desires to be Walt again? Emotionally, I was a mess. But with grit and determination, and the love and support of several families and counselors, I pursued healing on a psychological level.
With expert guidance, I dared to revisit the emotional trauma of my youth. I was 50 when I had the breast implants removed, but the next few years were spent in confusion and counseling. In , at the age of 55, I was finally free from the desire to live as a woman and changed my legal documents back to Walt, my biologically correct male sex. I still have scars on my chest, reminders of the gender detour that cost me 13 years of my life. I am on a hormone regimen to try to regulate a system that is permanently altered.
Now we help others whose lives have been derailed by sex change. To what extent are you noticeably trans? You must ask three people who you trust to be honest trans people will usually be oversympathetic. Is appearance important to you? Does that describe you? Even the most beautiful transwomen are sometimes clocked. The rest of the time life sucks. I have my good days and my bad days. How to cope with not passing. Encouraging words for those that think passing is hopeless.
Now award yourself a score from zero to ten. Do not pay attention to author boxes until September when we fix our post attribution problem. Pingback: 3. Should I transition? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Passing… … is an unfortunate choice of words. The most obvious areas where appearance will factor in are… — Finding romantic and sexual partners.
Are you going to have FFS? When someone criticizes you or laughs at you do you… a cry like a baby and run away. Are you a positive, outgoing cheerful person? How would you describe your female voice? Author admin Do not pay attention to author boxes until September when we fix our post attribution problem. Do transgender girls have periods?
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