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Along with you and Kerry, I have been going through the same thing no kids though, and was married under 3 years. I hope you and your family find a way to move past this and heal. I understand the feelings of being a disappoinment or not living up to the expectations of your family or those you have placed on yourself.
I am glad you have stumbled across this and found some people with similar stories to help you feel not quite so alone. I wish you nothing but the best!
Hi Claire, as you know it is not always the guy who is the culprit. I have been married 38 years and just discovered my wife has been having an affair with a married man with 3 children.
I thought I was giving her the attention and affection that she needed but she needed some additional emotional support that I missed and she turned to sex.
I have never strayed, truth. She is going to wind up getting hurt by this affair when it ends as he will walk away and will not leave his family.
It is just convenient sex. Kokubunsa via email: [email protected] hotmail. Contact [email protected] for further enquiries. It is easy to say my marriage was long over but you need to justify the affair to some degree. We did have some intamacy but it was a case of back turned to me just get it over kind of approach and inevitably i stopped.
I guess at its height we were intimate once a month but have not for twelve years. In the early days i was a successful business manager and we did well and have a great house, had holidays and she only did odd jobs. Then later on she went to Uni got here degree [i financed the whole time] she is now successful.
I am no longer working. Now in the twilight of life I wonder why she went through a marriage? This advice is going to hurt a lot of people. What advice? I see nothing here but a story of how ONE woman cheated on her husband. You need to read an article before commenting on an article. It might help keep you from looking foolish next time. What a rude response from one of the editors. To call one of your readers foolish!! How disappointing.
Affairs are a cowards way out. There are sites that I have recently stopped visiting. When you first get involved in any romantic relationship, you usually have some form of emotional closeness before becoming sexually involved.
You share common interests with the other person and tell each other personal feelings and details. Once the relationship becomes a committed one, you share that special emotional intimacy only with your partner.
He or she is the first and often the only person you turn to with your fears, your longings, and your hopes and dreams. You might share some of this with a close and long-time friend but not usually with a friend of the opposite sex or someone who could be a romantic partner. When one partner turns to someone else outside of the relationship for this emotional connection, it can easily become a form of infidelity.
These are often are secret friendships or at least downplayed where there is a clear mutual attraction. They usually take some time to develop and cross the line into infidelity. It starts as a pretty normal friendship. You enjoy talking to this person about everything.
His or her ability to understand your thoughts and feelings makes you feel happy and important. Perhaps he or she pays more attention to you than your spouse does or gives you more validation, compliments, or empathy. You tell yourself it is just a good friendship, but it is probably just to reduce your feelings of guilt.
Your conversations with this person become secret, and you are constantly worried that your partner will find out about this relationship. You talk around any mention of this person from your partner or anyone else in your social circle. You know your partner would be hurt and angry about the relationship,. At this point, you are having a full-on emotionally-charged affair, which quite often leads to a physical affair.
The longer the emotional affair goes on before sex is involved, the stronger the bond is you develop with this new person — and the weaker the bond with your spouse. Why would someone who is married or in a committed relationship need to seek out another person with whom to share intimate and personal information and feelings? Since most people recognize these emotional connections are inappropriate, what compels them to step over the edge into such harmful and hurtful territory?
Here are a few reasons emotional infidelity occurs:. They justify their behavior because they think in black and white terms that only physically sexual affairs are wrong. And since they're not physically cheating, they lack empathy for their partner's concern over their emotional inappropriateness. They think their partner is just being paranoid, jealous, insecure, and controlling.
They see themselves as being essential to the well-being of another. This is either because they need to "rescue" that person, or because they have a deep need to feel important.
They fail to assert their needs in a healthy way and instead, seek to dominate others. They think they're resisting being controlled, when in fact they're being controlling! By saying they'll tolerate no limits from their partner, they're imposing limits of their own on their partner. When your family of origin has a system of defensiveness that fails to take personal responsibility and resorts to blame, denial, projection, and avoidance — you tend to do the same.
They're angry with their partner, but won't address it directly in their relationship. They can't express themselves especially hard emotions and tend to resort to pleasing others and avoiding conflict. Therefore, it's easier — and lazier — to just act out in a seemingly "benign" way and get their tank filled elsewhere!
Similar to the previous point, they act out in passive-aggressive ways. When their anger goes underground, they're rarely truthful, real, or direct. Whether it's a disappointment in how their life turned out or how their partner looks, to express their vulnerability or their pain and disappointment directly and honestly feels too risky. Intimacy is frightening. Most people will have an emotional affair with someone that they know.
It is not uncommon for a marriage to experience more physical intimacy when one party is engaging in an emotional affair. People who have been either divorced or separated at least once are 2x more likely to have an emotional affair than those who have not been divorced or separated, Even when physical infidelity occurs, 3 out of 4 men spend at least a month develop an emotional connection before having sex for the first time.
There is a direct correlation to the amount of money a spouse makes to their likelihood of having an emotional affair. When it comes to sexual affairs, the statistics are rather surprising enough.
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